TLDR: This is so much deeply touching! :) At some points I was close to crying. xD
This will be a loooong comment to a lot of points, writing while watching/pausing. It is really nice, to be able to take part in your discussion! Thanks a lot! (And sorry for that wall of text. xD)
"The unspeakable" - seems like I had to hear this today! I struggled during the Easter holidays. I have those beautiful realisations/ spiritual experiences and they come more and more often and it seems like it is getting easier and easier to "come to this place" where I can feel my aliveness and the invaluable beauty of being in this universe/ with this universe/ off this universe. I know how to go there, I know how transforming this is to all my thoughts and emotions. And I have this strong pull to show this dimension to other humans. But I can do nothing but point to it. I was getting really desperate seeing my family suffer so much and causing so much suffering to themselves and others around them. I want to help, I want to cry, I want them to see.
We are not broken - we don't need to be fixed. But this is only true on a deeper level. Our desires and cravings have a real reason and this is fine and real and truly needs to be satisfied, but the methods/ remedies we chose to satisfy or desires/cravings are often times toxic and harmful.
Thank you so much for the reminder of how important mindfulness is! After reading a lot of books on Zen and mindfulness, I was practicing mindfulness and I am really grateful that I did not miss on this. My first real Zen teacher later said to me, there is nothing I need to do, I just need to sit. And that was nice for a while (letting go of the practice, good thing), but then I realised, that without mindfulness I am suffering much more and I had no tools to handle it. So I decided to leave the Zen teacher alone and do a lot more mindfulness practice. It is not always easy, sometimes it feels hard, but the best thing I heard yet about mindfulness practice is: "Allow yourself to be sloppy with the practice." I forgot who said that, but this was eye opening to me! And I think Thich Nhat Hahn is right about it. No matter what he was asked, he would always answer: "Breathing in ..., breathing out ...". Also Eckhart Tolle once said, if there was only one practice, then it would have to be mindfulness of breathing.
Today I wrote an email to some organisation dealing with delinquents offering my help as a volunteer. Thanks for that sharing in this and also the last video. :)
Mudita: I was 43 when for the first time in my adult life, I was able to feel this. Don't be ashamed, if you cannot feel this. It is your conditioning that is holding you back on the greatest joy in this universe. Work on it, but make sure you do not mistake it as "your fault". This is the nice thing about non-duality (and also the danger): the bad things in you, are (not) not you. Hu? xD If you see yourself as a separate entity, then you can allow yourself to see, that bad things entered you from the so called outside. xD Which makes you one with the outside, but that's not the point. xD The point is, forgive yourself. :)
Imagine everyone would suddenly realise that nobody is broken and nobody needs to be fixed. :) I know there are so many layers covering that, so it seems impossible. Maybe we just need a dimmer switch in the form of a huge Sangha. xD Trump/Putin does not need to be fixed. He needs love. He probably never experienced love. I cannot imagine if I was him. If I was exposed to the amount of inner pain of that person, I would probably die instantly from sadness overwhelm.
"I got the thing, you can get the thing. It's always been clear this is for the benefit of all beings. ... It's not about your suffering, it's about the suffering of the world." Thanks! I feel like this is where my Easter struggling is rooted. I cannot be free of suffering, as long as there is suffering in the world. Deeply I know that. But I needed that pointer. I don't know yet what I will do with it. But it feels like this is very important.
"I've been in this world here. It's been frustrating and weird and odd." I like this. I like when "teachers" share such things. It shows they're not different from me. I started teaching a very small group and I feel that it is of vital importance, that I do not consider myself as special or any other than my "students" despite they try to project all the "good stuff" on me. But really this "I am special", "I am enlightened", is not beneficial. I feel like it does much more harm than good. And it creates these feelings of: "It is my suffering that will stop, I will have clarity, I will be superior, this bad person will not be able to hurt me anymore, bla."
Sensitivity is yet unfortunately often seen as a weakness. But really, I feel so strong when I can endure my inner pain. Even if it means that I need to cry. Some of our collective experiences are so painful. If you shut down on it, how will you be able to rehabilitate? Cry! There are more than enough reasons in the world. If I am able to cry, I am an outlet for the whole world. There is a Zen story, where the student asks his master: "Why are you crying, I thought it is all an illusion?" Master: "My son died, and that is the saddest illusion of them all." I feel like the master is wrong on this. There might be a lot of illusions that we fall for, but pain is always real.
Addiction / Dharma: It seems we share a very similar life story. I started meditating at the age of 19. Even before I had realisations/ spiritual experiences which I could not find anybody to talk to. I had moments, when I felt so connected to the world and so present and yet I felt like I was not there, just the world. Then I meditated and without knowing of mindfulness, I started to think that I could meditate all day just by keeping my attention on my breath. I got really good at it, but then noticed that people were turning away from me. I felt so disconnected and alone. I had no idea where to go with this, so I started to get really deep into the other way of living and left all spirituality for about 15 years. I started lying about myself. It was clear to me, that all that facade had absolutely no substance, but everybody did it. Some day I even started believing on those lies about who I am and what I deserve. But it was programmed into the relationship with my former girlfriend that it had to fall apart. I was lying about who I am and deeply I knew it and I had no intention to keep that lies up for the rest of my life. Even though it was very painful I am grateful that my former girlfriend broke up with me. I can now start over and live the way I feel is meant to me. And perhaps it all went the right way, because we have a son and live as a small family and it is my greatest challenge yet, but it helps a lot to realise "the truth".
I started a meditation group and am teaching there, because I really search people to connect with and I would love to have a Sangha here in this effed up country side, politically right wing as far as it goes (I see a lot of car license plates with references to Hitler). There is nobody. So I thought, well I need to be the teacher then. I am missing a lot of knowledge though. I have not read a lot of Suttas. Also I feel like there is a limit of investment. I need not to overcommit or I start oscillating between the real and the illusional realm. I guess I need to apply for a (or some) 1on1 session with you Simon.
I will watch this later. I am very curious, because I was following Sarah on youtube for about a year already. :)
Loved this x
Beautiful beings 😊❤️
TLDR: This is so much deeply touching! :) At some points I was close to crying. xD
This will be a loooong comment to a lot of points, writing while watching/pausing. It is really nice, to be able to take part in your discussion! Thanks a lot! (And sorry for that wall of text. xD)
"The unspeakable" - seems like I had to hear this today! I struggled during the Easter holidays. I have those beautiful realisations/ spiritual experiences and they come more and more often and it seems like it is getting easier and easier to "come to this place" where I can feel my aliveness and the invaluable beauty of being in this universe/ with this universe/ off this universe. I know how to go there, I know how transforming this is to all my thoughts and emotions. And I have this strong pull to show this dimension to other humans. But I can do nothing but point to it. I was getting really desperate seeing my family suffer so much and causing so much suffering to themselves and others around them. I want to help, I want to cry, I want them to see.
We are not broken - we don't need to be fixed. But this is only true on a deeper level. Our desires and cravings have a real reason and this is fine and real and truly needs to be satisfied, but the methods/ remedies we chose to satisfy or desires/cravings are often times toxic and harmful.
Thank you so much for the reminder of how important mindfulness is! After reading a lot of books on Zen and mindfulness, I was practicing mindfulness and I am really grateful that I did not miss on this. My first real Zen teacher later said to me, there is nothing I need to do, I just need to sit. And that was nice for a while (letting go of the practice, good thing), but then I realised, that without mindfulness I am suffering much more and I had no tools to handle it. So I decided to leave the Zen teacher alone and do a lot more mindfulness practice. It is not always easy, sometimes it feels hard, but the best thing I heard yet about mindfulness practice is: "Allow yourself to be sloppy with the practice." I forgot who said that, but this was eye opening to me! And I think Thich Nhat Hahn is right about it. No matter what he was asked, he would always answer: "Breathing in ..., breathing out ...". Also Eckhart Tolle once said, if there was only one practice, then it would have to be mindfulness of breathing.
Today I wrote an email to some organisation dealing with delinquents offering my help as a volunteer. Thanks for that sharing in this and also the last video. :)
Mudita: I was 43 when for the first time in my adult life, I was able to feel this. Don't be ashamed, if you cannot feel this. It is your conditioning that is holding you back on the greatest joy in this universe. Work on it, but make sure you do not mistake it as "your fault". This is the nice thing about non-duality (and also the danger): the bad things in you, are (not) not you. Hu? xD If you see yourself as a separate entity, then you can allow yourself to see, that bad things entered you from the so called outside. xD Which makes you one with the outside, but that's not the point. xD The point is, forgive yourself. :)
Imagine everyone would suddenly realise that nobody is broken and nobody needs to be fixed. :) I know there are so many layers covering that, so it seems impossible. Maybe we just need a dimmer switch in the form of a huge Sangha. xD Trump/Putin does not need to be fixed. He needs love. He probably never experienced love. I cannot imagine if I was him. If I was exposed to the amount of inner pain of that person, I would probably die instantly from sadness overwhelm.
"I got the thing, you can get the thing. It's always been clear this is for the benefit of all beings. ... It's not about your suffering, it's about the suffering of the world." Thanks! I feel like this is where my Easter struggling is rooted. I cannot be free of suffering, as long as there is suffering in the world. Deeply I know that. But I needed that pointer. I don't know yet what I will do with it. But it feels like this is very important.
"I've been in this world here. It's been frustrating and weird and odd." I like this. I like when "teachers" share such things. It shows they're not different from me. I started teaching a very small group and I feel that it is of vital importance, that I do not consider myself as special or any other than my "students" despite they try to project all the "good stuff" on me. But really this "I am special", "I am enlightened", is not beneficial. I feel like it does much more harm than good. And it creates these feelings of: "It is my suffering that will stop, I will have clarity, I will be superior, this bad person will not be able to hurt me anymore, bla."
Sensitivity is yet unfortunately often seen as a weakness. But really, I feel so strong when I can endure my inner pain. Even if it means that I need to cry. Some of our collective experiences are so painful. If you shut down on it, how will you be able to rehabilitate? Cry! There are more than enough reasons in the world. If I am able to cry, I am an outlet for the whole world. There is a Zen story, where the student asks his master: "Why are you crying, I thought it is all an illusion?" Master: "My son died, and that is the saddest illusion of them all." I feel like the master is wrong on this. There might be a lot of illusions that we fall for, but pain is always real.
Addiction / Dharma: It seems we share a very similar life story. I started meditating at the age of 19. Even before I had realisations/ spiritual experiences which I could not find anybody to talk to. I had moments, when I felt so connected to the world and so present and yet I felt like I was not there, just the world. Then I meditated and without knowing of mindfulness, I started to think that I could meditate all day just by keeping my attention on my breath. I got really good at it, but then noticed that people were turning away from me. I felt so disconnected and alone. I had no idea where to go with this, so I started to get really deep into the other way of living and left all spirituality for about 15 years. I started lying about myself. It was clear to me, that all that facade had absolutely no substance, but everybody did it. Some day I even started believing on those lies about who I am and what I deserve. But it was programmed into the relationship with my former girlfriend that it had to fall apart. I was lying about who I am and deeply I knew it and I had no intention to keep that lies up for the rest of my life. Even though it was very painful I am grateful that my former girlfriend broke up with me. I can now start over and live the way I feel is meant to me. And perhaps it all went the right way, because we have a son and live as a small family and it is my greatest challenge yet, but it helps a lot to realise "the truth".
I started a meditation group and am teaching there, because I really search people to connect with and I would love to have a Sangha here in this effed up country side, politically right wing as far as it goes (I see a lot of car license plates with references to Hitler). There is nobody. So I thought, well I need to be the teacher then. I am missing a lot of knowledge though. I have not read a lot of Suttas. Also I feel like there is a limit of investment. I need not to overcommit or I start oscillating between the real and the illusional realm. I guess I need to apply for a (or some) 1on1 session with you Simon.
"I make no claims to be finished." <3
It's so funny to see you 2 together! :)